So today I am at school, and my goodness. I have had such a shitty day. 

First my friend and I (we carpool) couldn’t find a parking spot, so we parked in the dreaded parking lot, you know the one you have to walk to class for like 5 minutes? The one that kills your legs and you get to class and your face is just red and you’re trying to get some air into the poor lungs you have just destroyed and you’re sweating more than you have in awhile? Yeah, that one: 

Anyways, we then moved on to go to class, all during class I felt like I was going to fall asleep. (I had a ROUGH night, I slept without any clothes on aside from my underwear, with my fan on the highest mode possible and I couldn’t fall asleep worth a damn because it was so hot. Eventually I fell asleep, but I woke up just drenched in sweat. Also, I woke up late. )So, back to my story on my class. At the end of the class I got the results from my last test, I got an F. I cannot afford the grades I’ve been having, I let myself slip all the time and I need to go back to my old high GPA grades. Anyways, I just sucked it up, nothing I can do about that grade and I’ll just need to work my ass off on getting my grades back up. 

Then, for some reason being with my friend just irritated me today. Like I love her, she’s basically my best friend, but idk. You know when you’re just pissy and just don’t want to be around ANYONE? Yeah? Okay, yeah that was it. 

So, here is my whole point of this post. Motivation. I went to the gym and I feel like I did the worst that I’ve done since I started. I felt like all I did was useless and that I didn’t push myself. I was so upset at myself I wanted to sit down and cry. Unlike many people, I work out worse when I’m mad. I don’t say “Ima push myself to the max because I’m so mad” my brain just channels it into my emotions and makes me so depressed. 

So, in a few words, I felt like absolute shit. I kept telling myself I’ll never be able to shed this weight I haven’t, I told myself I will never be happy, I told myself I will never get married to someone I want to, I just kept telling myself I was so horrible. Then it’s like reality just slapped me in the face. 

Others have it so much worse, yet they smile and go about it because they have faith in themselves. Someone I know went from I think 436 lbs to 326lbs and she looks wonderful, but she worked hard

Motivation can come from anywhere, it can be just a sign you read that makes you motivated, but I think that motivation is bullshit. The only motivation you can have is the one YOU give yourself. 

You. Can. Do. It. 

It’ll take time, effort, sweat, pain and fear. However, anything that makes you happier is worth it’s. Push yourself, find happiness and although you are your worst enemy, remind yourself you are worth the effort. 

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