Booths

All my life while growing up, my dad HATED getting booths when we went out to eat. 

I never understood why and I always loved being in booths. 

Now, I am 300+ pounds. Now every time we go to eat out I dread the booths. I can’t fit in them, my stomach is always pushing the table away and when I’m out with my friends I feel so ashamed that I move the table the way I do. 

I now understand why he was so upset, and I just want to be able to sit in a booth again and not worry. I want to be able to sit down and not be self conscious. I don’t want to think people are watching me and judging me. 
Why is it that I can’t lose this weight? I WANT to. So bad, but it seems that I have little motivation anymore. I just want to be able to be who I am, but I have depression and anxiety and they take away all my energy and just….I’m trapped in this endless cycle. 

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